Early letlive. material was quite negative in tone. Are you looking at the world differently now?
“Yes, 100 per cent. When I found out my wife was pregnant, it made everything possible for me. It made FEVER 333 possible, it made leaving letlive. possible, and my inclusion in the bigger picture became so much clearer. My idea of hope is not just a fallacy anymore. It’s tangible now. It’s embodied in my son and my family. The idea of family was something that I was searching a long time for, in whatever capacity that may be. I was searching for a family that I could fight for and lean on, and I have that now.”
Did you have a happy childhood?
“I look at my childhood and my past as the reason I’m here today, and I must be grateful for what I have right now. My childhood certainly was turbulent and I don’t blame anybody for that – most of our problems stem systemically. Even if there are internal, emotional problems, we live within systems that don’t offer us the help that we not only should have, but we could have. America is one of the most affluent countries of all. I find it ironic and negligent that young people like myself and older people like my parents slipped through the cracks for so long, when there are so many resources that could be readily available – the most important being education. My childhood is nobody’s fault; it’s just the product of a system, and I have to understand the system better now so that my son doesn’t get sent on a trajectory that would be negative. I’m so lucky to have experienced a lot of the things that I did and come out the other end alive, hopeful, and with ambition and drive.”
Growing up, were you aware just how much your family and community were being let down by the system?
“I was going to school outside of my district. I was leaving my disenfranchised area to take part in activities and education in an area where people were very much considered the ‘haves’. I was surrounded by things that were new to me, they seemed a lot shinier, and a lot newer. I remember asking for a candy bar and my parents said we didn’t have money for that – the candy bar was, like, 80 cents. All the other kids had all the candy they could ever need, and when I saw that I put it together in my mind – I understood what poverty meant.
“At the same time, we were rich in amorous equity. My mom loved me and my sister so much, she made me feel so important and that I could do anything. For people who may relate to what I’m saying as far as feeling impoverished goes, understand that there are other things in life that can provide emotional equity. My mom taught me what it meant to give a fuck about yourself and your people. My father was hustling, he was doing it any way he could. Now that I’m a father, a lot of the things he did – even if they ended him up in jail or took him away from us – I understand he was trying to provide for his family. My father was doing the best he could and the best he knew how, given our circumstances and what we looked like. I really appreciate my family for that, showing me you gotta work, you gotta hustle, you gotta believe that love can be strong enough to carry you through some really fuckin’ hard times.”